A self-scoring interactive assessment to measure exactly how much invisible cognitive labor you are carrying. Your score updates live as you go.
Click 1, ½, or 0 for each item. 1 means you fully own it — the remembering, planning, and executing. ½ means it is genuinely shared equally. 0 means it belongs to someone else or doesn't apply. Your score updates automatically at the top as you go.
✓ | Knowing what each child needs to get ready each morning without being toldthe routine, the preferences, the non-negotiables | |
✓ | Tracking what children will and won't eat and planning meals accordingly | |
✓ | Coordinating and remembering drop-off and pickup logistics daily | |
✓ | Anticipating children's needs during transitionsknowing they'll be tired, hungry, or overstimulated before it happens | |
✓ | Managing night wakings — who responds, what's needed, tracking patterns | |
✓ | Managing sick day logistics — who stays home, who calls out, what's needed | |
✓ | Knowing what needs to be packed, prepped, or prepared each daybags, lunchboxes, supplies, permission slips | |
✓ | Planning and deciding activities to keep children occupied and engaged | |
✓ | Knowing each child's care routine — hygiene, sleep, feeding — without reminders |
✓ | Scheduling and tracking pediatrician appointments and follow-ups | |
✓ | Tracking vaccine schedule and developmental milestones | |
✓ | Managing all school and daycare communication and paperwork | |
✓ | Knowing current clothing and shoe sizes and replenishing before they're needed | |
✓ | Researching and coordinating extracurricular activities | |
✓ | Planning and coordinating birthday parties, playdates, and social events | |
✓ | Sourcing and arranging backup care before it's needed | |
✓ | Researching parenting decisionssleep, feeding, discipline, development, screen time | |
✓ | Tracking and managing gift-giving for other children's events | |
✓ | Being the primary contact for school, daycare, and pediatrician |
✓ | Deciding what's for dinner — before anyone asks | |
✓ | Knowing what's running low and adding it to the grocery list before it runs out | |
✓ | Managing grocery ordering or shopping — list, timing, execution | |
✓ | Noticing what needs to be cleaned and coordinating when it happens | |
✓ | Tracking home maintenance needs and initiating repairs before they become problems | |
✓ | Tracking vehicle maintenance needs — oil changes, registration, inspections | |
✓ | Managing subscription renewals, household accounts, and recurring admin | |
✓ | Planning and organizing the week ahead — what needs to happen, when, by whom | |
✓ | Anticipating seasonal needs — holiday prep, clothing changeovers, etc. | |
✓ | Holding the mental map of where everything in the home lives | |
✓ | Noticing what laundry needs to happen and when — without being asked |
✓ | Carrying the primary emotional awareness of your family's wellbeing | |
✓ | Anticipating conflict and managing it before it escalates | |
✓ | Being the default decision-maker for hard parenting calls — medical decisions, behavioral issues, school concerns | |
✓ | Remembering and marking meaningful moments — birthdays, milestones, traditions |
✓ | Tracking the household budget and knowing where money is going | |
✓ | Managing insurance renewals and knowing what coverage exists | |
✓ | Coordinating tax preparation and financial paperwork | |
✓ | Managing family paperwork — forms, documents, renewals, registrations | |
✓ | Scheduling and managing household service providers | |
✓ | Remembering and scheduling your own healthcare appointments | |
✓ | Coordinating the family calendar and holding upcoming commitments in your head | |
✓ | Planning and managing travel logistics for the family |
✓ | Maintaining extended family relationships and managing communication | |
✓ | Coordinating family gatherings and holiday planning | |
✓ | Tracking and managing gift-giving for adults — family birthdays, holidays, milestones | |
✓ | Being the one who reaches out to maintain friendships | |
✓ | Managing social obligations for your partnerhis family, his friendships, his RSVPs | |
✓ | Being the default social planner for the family unit | |
✓ | Managing neighborhood and community relationships |
Raw score + family size multiplier on childcare and emotional sections + employment add-on. This reflects your actual cognitive load.
Your cognitive load is relatively balanced. Review the categories where you scored highest — those are your heaviest areas and the best starting point if anything needs to shift.
You are carrying a significant cognitive load. Naming it clearly is the first step. The categories where you scored highest show you where that load is concentrated.
Your load is heavy and is likely affecting your sleep, energy, and sense of self. You are not imagining it. This score is the evidence.
You are carrying an unsustainable cognitive load. Most mothers who complete this audit land here. You are not alone and you are not failing — you are simply carrying more than one person was designed to hold.
What you do with this number is yours to decide. For some it starts a conversation. For others it simply names something that has never been named. Either way — you deserved to see it. The exhaustion has always been real. Now it is documented.
The Shared Load is a practical guide for dual-income couples to map who carries what — household tasks, childcare, and the invisible mental load — so ownership is clear and nothing falls through the cracks by default. It is not a system that fixes everything. It is the foundation any system has to be built on.
Get The Shared Load →